Have you ever felt like your body is attacking you? Ever felt like you're a stranger in your own skin? Felt like no matter what you did, everything backfired on you?
For the last year I have felt these exact things about my body. At first it was just my mental health. It was getting accustomed to weekly therapy sessions & getting accustomed to different psychiatric medicines. Understanding the side effects but also understanding the benefits. It's a fine line to walk because some of the medications can have side effects that can make you question if you're doing the right thing by taking that medication. At the same time, you know that your conditions require these medications. I want to be careful here because I'm not suggesting everyone should be on medications. I'm also not suggesting what works for me or many not work for others.
I understood that for my mental health & for the good of my family, this was the right route for me to take. Slowly but surely after many attempts, therapy sessions, & medication adjustments slowly but surely I began to notice a positive change in my mental health. Nothing dramatic but the steady knowledge that something was shifting. However, as I said, these medications can have brutal side effects such as dizziness, nausea, weight gain & etc.
When I started to notice the weight change, I began noticing the cravings for refined carbs. I began to understand that was not me. I never had weight issues in my life & truly never had the hunger for cookies, brownies or even ice cream. It made me feel out of control. The rapid weight gain not only affected my mental health but also it affected my self esteem. It doesn't mean that I want to be slim but rather the fact that I felt sad that most of my clothing didn't fit me. I got tired more easily. All of these complicated emotions & feelings began to affect my overall health. I began to feel like a stranger within my own body. I was torn between my mental health or physical. I knew it was unacceptable for me to just chose one.
I took action by speaking to both of my both providers. I created the beginnings of a plan. With the support & encouragement of my husband & my medical teams expertise & my own determination, I began to understand the cravings weren't my fault. For my own safety as well as to maintain my privacy & confidentiality, I cannot discuss the medications or symptoms in details. However, I wanted to talk about these for those who carry the shame that doesn't belong to us. I'm learning slowly that wellness & health is not uniladeral. What works for one might not work for the other but I've learned that the willingness to work with your providers and the willingness to work with yourself when it comes to your health is one of the more important things.